Aunt Mary

I woke up this morning, looking upside down out the window where the head of my bed is at.
The sky was so blue blue and the tree in front of my window framed the sky in the most perfect day. And I knew every day was a perfect day.
Aunt Mary had this HUGE house in Lima and this cool reel to reel player-I would pack my gold lame' Neiman Marcus luggage and off I was for the summer.
Pots of lip gloss and DISCO music on her reel to reel player. I would bath in her HUGE bottles of Shalimar-do my hair in cool Farah flip and off we would go -Jon and I would pick every wild strawberry in the back yard. Sometimes we would stay up all night eating rice krispies and strawberries. Then in the morning off I would go with her to Shear Magic her beauty salon and then we would have lunch at Lazarus.
She had the most beautiful cowboy boots black with blue snakeskin butterflies.
She had the most infectious smile and laugh.
I cannot believe that such a beautiful-ALIVE person is now a pile of ash.
I am finding it so difficult to grasp that.
Where did she go? Is she here with me?
Is she nowhere? Anywhere? Everywhere?
Where is she? Her energy, her spirit, her smile, her laugh?
I do not know. I wish I could find comfort in knowing she is somewhere nice.
I am selfish, I feel ripped off. Why do the people who give the most of their spirit leave?
Why are they taken?
I grab at the air hoping for one last sound, one last scent, one last sign, from either of them and I only feel empty.
I reach out for my grandmother's soft crepe paper hand, her skin so soft and hand so tiny
and now for my aunt and her boisterous, room filling laugh
and they are gone.
I have been robbed and I am selfish and want them here.
This is totally lame and fucking sucks.
This is my life
I must mourn now and find my lesson.
I guess today was not as perfect as I thought.
though...
The sky is pretty and air so warm
I love you all
desiree